To be a fly...continued

Wow, that last post stirred up some interesting comments and emails. Let me say that those thoughts were not neccesarily my own but what I took from the conversations.

Yes, the really nice guy "the friend" most likely will not get the girl up front. I think every woman likes a bit of intrigued and excitement. However, ever woman ultimately wants a friend, someone she can trust, and someone who treats her with love and respect. The "good guy" if he understands that, I believe will get "the girl".

One of my friends wrote me this:
"I spent 10 years being a "nice guy" and having lots of friends that were girls and no girlfriends. Lasting relationships are built on friendship AND lust.

For men, lust is easy since it is usually physical. Women are far more difficult since it is a story/feeling that is usually more than just appearance. It is based on movies and romance novels (girly porn). Women are looking for a swashbuckling, knight, vampire, werewolf cowboy that has important things to do but makes a little time for you. Nice guys will take time off work to meet for coffee when the jerk blows off your date, and since the nice guy acts like your girlfrinds you treat them like it.
I found it far more effective to emulate the jerk for the first few dates and then go back to my normal nice guy personality once I was not in the friend zone. I don't know anyone that moved from friends to a relationship ... it always ends up with a lot of heart ache.

The same rejection happens with women too of course, but it is easier to figure out. Men usually have certain physical characteristics that they find attractive and if you don't fit those, then he will not be interested. If your physical appearance changes men will have no problem moving from friends to a relationship. Unfortunately the opposite holds true too. This is all a bit complicated and I may be a bit jaded. "

Thanks for the input!  

I feel a lot of it comes down to the type of girl the guy is going after....and vice-versa. I, for one, would not date a guy who treated me bad or "blew me off" but I am sure there are some that dig that. (that's a whole other topic)

In the end, there are all types out there and I still believe when you meet the right one you will know. What can I say...I'm such a romantic!

KM